Water up nose. Twice.

Professional swimmers never cease to amaze me with their ability to swim incredibly fast with seemingly little effort. What baffles me most of all is the way they start a backstroke race by kicking underwater while on their backs, for a considerable distance. Whilst swimming today I foolishly decided to give this a try and ended up with a bucketload of water rocketing unpleasantly up my nose. However, this was not the only time during my swimming session that water unwelcoming found its way up my nose.

I had bravely decided to attempt some butterfly. I say bravely for two reasons: Firstly, the pool was only slightly wider than my wingspan and secondly, it is an arduous stroke that is exhausting with technique as bad as mine. The combination of small pool and splashy technique meant that I was creating some enormous waves. Now I studied physics at A-level and in some classes at college and know all about the properties of waves. But as I approached the end of the length I was imagining that I was Michael Phelps powering home to yet another gold, and therefore paying no attention to the laws of physics. A large wave I had sent forward rebounded off the wall and became superimposed on another wave heading in the opposite direction, increasing the amplitude of the wave which smacked me right in the face, just as I was taking a huge breath to prepare for one last historic stroke. The result – water rushing into my mouth, down my throat and up my nose, coughing, choking, disqualification for standing up during the race and Ryan Lochte snatching gold.